I love it when parents let their kids cry in restaurants. I love the sound of screaming children in my ear as I enjoy my $30 steak. It adds just the right amount of ambiance to any meal, like the sound of scratching your fingernails on a chalkboard or that one Nickelback song that sounds like every other Nickelback song. It is one of life’s simple pleasures, but some restaurants want to take this away from me.
Some restaurants have started putting notes in their menus telling diners to take crying children outside out of respect for other diners. I am sorry, did you want me to leave the table to go to the bathroom too? This is insane, but other restaurants have made even more outrageous policies.
McDain’s Restaurant and Golf Center in Monroeville, Pennsylvania has taken it a step too far by banning kids under six completely. Mike Vuick, the owner, said in a report on CNN’s Eatocracy website that he was forced into the decision when parents would not stop their kids from running around the dining room or from making noise.
This is a classic slippery slope situation. First no crying kids, then no food fights, and the next thing you know I have to wear pants when I go out to eat. Vuick also said that he did it on behalf of the parents who left their kids at home, expecting a nice, quiet dinner. In other words, he did this for irresponsible parents who left their children at home with evil babysitters, just ask Timmy Turner.
How long before this problem spreads to Fargo? The answer is soon. The HoDo Restaurant, in downtown Fargo, has failed to include a kid’s menu in their repertoire. You can’t expect kids to eat “green freekeh wheatballs”, or “sambucca cake”. Where are my hamburgers? Where are the chicken nuggets? They are starving kids out. How long will they wait before banning kids completely?
To people like Mr. Vuick I say, how dare you? How dare you make outrageous demands of your customers to control their children? What is next, are you going to make me tell the waiter what I want to eat? This is absolutely absurd, and I feel sorry for those completely respectful and responsible adults who allow their child to cry throughout their entire meal, and make my meal all the better.